What Makes Me A Missionary?

What makes me a Missionary?
My assignment?
My location in which I serve?
The number of times I share the gospel?
The pictures I post on social media?
What makes me a Missionary?

Is it my Faith?
Is it only on the days I experience Joy?
Is it my satisfaction to fulfill a productive-based purpose?
What is my purpose?

My heart is burdened by these spiraling questions.
Beat by beat anxiety fills my body.
My lungs dry of air,
And my head swirls with terrorizing ideas of doubt that cloud my judgment.

I wake up the next morning still as a corpse, not wanting to move.
My mind and body are fighting to get out of bed.
Whatever energy I have left I seek counsel, guidance, and encouragement for this burden.
I ask one last time Lord what makes me a Missionary? What is my purpose?
He graciously answers my love for you.

Tears roll down my cheek,
My body gives up in fighting itself.
I take a deep breath and feel the warmth of the sun on my face,
Almost like I was found in the arms of Jesus, being held tight never to be let go.

I can hear the voice of God clearly off the pages of his word.

What makes me a Missionary is the love of Christ.
I am first called a child of God,
I am first loved,
I am first wanted.
I was made to fulfill this purpose first,
To experience the love of Christ abundantly every day.

I love you because he first loved me.

So I embrace, I experience.
I pick up my cross and hold it in the middle of my chest,
So the world may see your sacrificial love.
And I may be reminded of it daily.

Thank you Lord for first loving me.